This blog for my sister just looks like i'm obsessed but no... really i'm just sad YES, I confess! ever since that day... that day I seen the light dim out and leave her I can never forget.I feel like its not reality like it never even happened. I pretend that it was all just a nightmare but then it hits me again and again and AGAIN! My life has never been the same. Sometimes I feel like part of me just isn't there anymore. she wasn't just my sister, she was my mentor... someone that I could look up to. I hate having to think about this but it never leaves my head. I try to turn it into something positive like she is now an angel and no longer in pain and suffering and that one day I will see her again.... One day, I will see my sister again.

Sigh.... everyday goes by and its not getting any better. You loved taking pictures and I guess that was gods way of helping you leave a trail of your time with us cus pictures and a memory is all I was allowed to keep. I would have rather it been you... =/

Time after time I really look back and wish I had never left California that January back in 2010. I could have stayed there with my sister as long as I wanted but instead I came back to New York to go to school. All the time that just passed by while we were in two completely different states could have been spent together. I wish I could have Predicted that my sister would end up having an untimely departure from earth. I wish there was something I could have done to help or prevent this from happening to my sister even though I know I don't have that type of power to stop it. I miss my sister and I just wish she would come back. Sometimes I just deal with the pain by ignoring reality and just pretending she's still just in another state but then when I pick up the phone to call her, I know she wont be on the other end and then reality sets in. Of course as sisters we had our ups and downs but she was a very good person  and a very good mother to her son and didn't deserve to go out the way she did. It was too early too soon and it was just not supposed to happen!

Sometimes I think I am crazy because every day I talk to you as if your sitting rite in front of me. I try to get answers but I never do. I ask why or how but I never get a response. Maybe one day you'll respond back to me..... Love you and miss you always Starr! :'(

I realized that it is very hard for me to talk about my sister unless its about the good times. When the subject comes up I avoid talking about it because I guess deep down I just wanna remember the good and nothing else. Sometimes I wonder if the way I handle it is wrong because I look up and I'm the only one not crying. I'm the only one that never has anything to say about all of it. Am I wrong for not wanting to think about the bad, or is it just my way of avoiding the truth of reality? Do I have to grieve like everyone else or can I handle it in my own way. Maybe its not such a bad thing to deal with it the way I feel I need to. Inside I know what it is but I just truly wish it wasn't something I had to except....

I miss her..... =/