Time after time I really look back and wish I had never left California that January back in 2010. I could have stayed there with my sister as long as I wanted but instead I came back to New York to go to school. All the time that just passed by while we were in two completely different states could have been spent together. I wish I could have Predicted that my sister would end up having an untimely departure from earth. I wish there was something I could have done to help or prevent this from happening to my sister even though I know I don't have that type of power to stop it. I miss my sister and I just wish she would come back. Sometimes I just deal with the pain by ignoring reality and just pretending she's still just in another state but then when I pick up the phone to call her, I know she wont be on the other end and then reality sets in. Of course as sisters we had our ups and downs but she was a very good person  and a very good mother to her son and didn't deserve to go out the way she did. It was too early too soon and it was just not supposed to happen!

Sometimes I think I am crazy because every day I talk to you as if your sitting rite in front of me. I try to get answers but I never do. I ask why or how but I never get a response. Maybe one day you'll respond back to me..... Love you and miss you always Starr! :'(

I realized that it is very hard for me to talk about my sister unless its about the good times. When the subject comes up I avoid talking about it because I guess deep down I just wanna remember the good and nothing else. Sometimes I wonder if the way I handle it is wrong because I look up and I'm the only one not crying. I'm the only one that never has anything to say about all of it. Am I wrong for not wanting to think about the bad, or is it just my way of avoiding the truth of reality? Do I have to grieve like everyone else or can I handle it in my own way. Maybe its not such a bad thing to deal with it the way I feel I need to. Inside I know what it is but I just truly wish it wasn't something I had to except....

I miss her..... =/

When it comes to this situation about my sister Starr, it really gets on my nerves when people try to "help". People always say "oh it's going to be okay" but little do they know it will never be okay. Nothing can ever change the fact of this happening. I understand that people are only trying to help but by everyone repeating the same old things to me over and over about my sister doesn't help. It only makes me more sad about the situation. Honestly sometimes I cant even fathom the fact that this is reality. Sometimes I really feel like I am in a bad dream and can't wake up to face reality. I do not ever want to except the truth of the matter because ill never like it.

Starr was very dedicated to being the best mother she could be to her son. She made sure that Marvin (her son) was aware of everything to prepare him for anything that may happen. She did a very good job with him while she was able to and i'm sure her love for him will stay with him forever..... 

Starr.... She is my sister and I love her and miss her very much. In three days it will be 4 months since she took her last breath on earth with us. I wish I wasn't even able to sit here and write about this but it has happened and I cant change it. Starr was a great sister, a loyal friend to many as well as being a wonderful mother to her one and only son Marvin. To me Starr meant a lot. She was the one person in my family that everybody went to if they had a question or needed help. I will never forget the time I spent out in california with her. I stayed out there with her from October till January. I am very grateful that I was able to celebrate with her for the last time, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and bringing in the new year 2010. Me being able to remember spending her last time celebrating these holidays really means a lot to me. She made sure that each holiday was special because thats the type of person she was. The last time I seen Starr was the last day she was in New York. I was running late for work and I just said bye to her and was about to just run out the door and she said to me "your not going to come say goodbye to me" and i'm so happy she said that to me because I ran back and for the last time I was able to physically give her a hug and say good bye....

Lost but never forgotten....

This blog is dedicated to my beautiful sister Starr. 

March 13th, 1983 - September 13th 2010